Lately, the word “insecure” has come up a little more frequently. I do believe everyone has some “insecurities” and to different levels, of course. Not all insecurities are about looks, sometimes it’s about how another person made you feel. Some would say trauma and I believe that’s valid. However I do believe certain situations or words can bring up insecurities. There’s triggers out there that we cannot control nor fully heal. Some of my triggers are about my past and I hate to dwell on them because I’m content with my friends and partner. I took the word “insecure” and took apart myself to how it best suits me….
Insecure…
I - I allowed people to take advantage of me because it made me feel wanted and/or loved.
N - Never being the “first choice” because there was always someone better than me.
S - Satisfying people to feel loved, so they wouldn’t leave me.
E - Embarrassed, when the same people I considered “friends” try to “1+” me, just to get “ahead.”
C - Crazy to think I was special when you were doing the same thing to others.
U - Upset for going above and beyond just for you to put me on the “chat” AND be “checked off.”
R - Resentful for allowing other people’s opinions dictate how I viewed myself.
E - Exhausting thinking about how the past has taken over my present day.
The word insecure has everything to do with my past and my past includes people I no longer talk to or associate myself with. So, why do I allowed myself to feel all of these things for people that no longer matter? Maybe I wasn’t confident enough and they projected onto me. Maybe I lacked self-confidence and everyone saw and ran with it.
For whatever reason this could be, I know that everyday is a working day. I work on myself. I work on the fact that my past is my past and it should not dictate my present day.
GOODFUCKINGBYE.
